Oh my god I’m so creepy. It has been brought to my attention that I tend to facebook creep on people I DON’T particularly care for rather than people I actually like. That’s unstable. And then I read and judge their status updates and go through their pictures like, ‘ewww I dislike you.’ But why are we facebook friends?? WHY???

And in musing about my creepiness I found an amaze-balls blog post entitled “15 Things White Girls Love to do on Facebook.” (And then I started creeping on this girls’ blog. I love her. I will marry her. http://25pillsaday.wordpress.com) And yes I’m guilty of a few of these items…

This is what our feet look like!

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Brintney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! Love YOU GIRLS!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’

We’re hard!!!

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

I effing love oatmeal!!! Mmmmmmm.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to mail some bills. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly redundant questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

Love,

Mary. A white girl on facebook, guilty of most of these things.

* Also she forgot (my additions):

16. Complain and/or exaggerate about the amount of food they’ve consumed that day (3 whole m&ms and a handful of pirate’s booty!!!) and then state the level of their obesity and desire to get their weight down (i.e. to their birth weight)

17. Remark about how wasted you were the night before (OMG I drank sooooo much I don’t remember anything) and then their lovely friends remind them (Christine you did a body shot off a homeless man’s chest and then made out with a coat rack!! LOL!! Typical Tuesday!)

18. Post pictures of how they’ve dressed up their dog.

Nala! This pic was taken right before she ate the remote!

19. Celebrity gossip that affects them oh so personally. Are you REALLY that devastated at the dissolution of Demi and Ashton’s relationship? Really?

20. Witty lines that they pretend they’ve actually come up with themselves. (Don’t let it get to your head, your hair is already such a disaster that the Red Cross wouldn’t give it coffee!) Guilty as charged. I wish I came up with that one first. Thanks Will & Grace.